


The Blind Detective

by Jade56



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Blind Sherlock, Friendship, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Romance, Theatrical Play Format, Victorian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8550451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade56/pseuds/Jade56
Summary: Sherlock Holmes is a consulting detective. He was also born blind, though this does not keep him from his work. To the detective’s great annoyance, his overly concerned brother has sent him yet another helper, though no such help is needed. Besides, Mycroft has problems of his own to think about.





	

**Scene I – 221B**

_The stage is dark. There is only soft classical music._

WATSON (V.O.)  
I met Sherlock Holmes three years ago, on a cold December afternoon. It was to be the start of a rewarding and enduring friendship—but if you had seen us then, at our first meeting, you would never have known it!

_Lights gradually grow brighter, and we see two chairs and a small table between them. There is a man lounging in the chair stage left, smoking a pipe. SHERLOCK is tall, and his head rests lazily over the back of the chair. He is wearing tinted spectacles._

WATSON (V.O.)  
I had been hired to be the personal physician and helper for a blind man allegedly suffering from complications and in need of a sighted attendant. Oh, how little I knew then.

_The music stops as WATSON enters stage right, with some eagerness despite a slight limp and some reliance on a dark cane. With the music gone, the sound of his cane and polished shoes against the hard floor resounds through the stage. In his other hand, he is carrying a doctor’s leather bag, which he rests with a grunt on the table._

WATSON  
Pardon me, Mr. Holmes. I do not mean to startle you, but I don’t think you heard me knocking. Your landlady was kind enough to see me in.

_Sherlock ignores Watson, but takes interest in the bag. He leans forward and pats it experimentally._

WATSON  
Yes, well.  
_(clears throat)_  
I’m here at the request of your brother. My name is John Watson.

_Sherlock, suddenly interested in his guest, turns toward Watson’s general direction. He easily walks around the table and holds out his right hand, his gaze just a bit off from meeting Watson’s._

_Watson smiles warmly. He shifts his cane to his left hand, and gives Sherlock a firm handshake with his right._

SHERLOCK  
I do not care who you are.

_Watson’s smile fades and the handshake slows to a halt._

WATSON  
Pardon?

SHERLOCK  
Understand clearly, Doctor, that I do not need your assistance.

_Sherlock pulls his hand away and returns to his armchair, resuming his previous reclining pose._

SHERLOCK  
You may leave now.

_Caught off guard, Watson leans back somewhat, his cane once again in his right hand, though he is not repelled entirely._

WATSON  
Excuse me, but how do you know that I am a doctor?

SHERLOCK  
Your bag, of course. Who else but a doctor would carry a physician’s bag such as that, one with more pockets than the average individual would find useful.

WATSON  
Oh, of course. That is obvious.

SHERLOCK  
Well of course it is obvious, when I elucidate it for you. No doubt you will find this just as obvious: You are holding a cane.

WATSON  
_(gently taps his cane against the floor)_  
You heard it, certainly.

SHERLOCK  
In your right hand.

WATSON  
Are you indeed the man I was sent for? You couldn’t possibly know that. I just shook your hand, after all!

SHERLOCK  
It is simple. One side of your bag has a protruding pouch, which would be uncomfortable against your leg, so you carry it with this side facing out. This means you placed the bag on the table with the protruding side facing away from you. It is facing toward the direction to your left, so you carried it with your left hand. Therefore, you generally carry your cane in your right hand.

WATSON  
Yes, I see. How absurdly simple.

_Sherlock turns to gaze in Watson’s direction. The tinted spectacles make it seem as if Sherlock was staring at Watson directly, as a sighted person would._

SHERLOCK  
You have been in Afghanistan.

WATSON  
Now how could you know that!

SHERLOCK  
_(with a sarcastic tone)_  
Isn’t it obvious? Absurdly simple?

WATSON  
You could not possibly know that I have been in Afghanistan. Even if… Even if you were capable of sight. You could not perceive such a thing. You must have learned about me beforehand.

SHERLOCK  
I knew nothing of you beforehand. But you stated that you are here at the request of my brother, and I know that he refuses to believe that I can live by myself. In other words, he has hired you to be my nanny. Why would a respectable physician volunteer to play nursemaid to an insignificant blind man? Because the physician has no other alternatives. Something keeps you from practice, probably your physical handicap. I do not just mean the limp in your leg which necessitates your cane—which is not for show, since you favoured one side heavily as you ascended the stairs to this flat—no, I think it’s the tremor in your hand.

WATSON  
_(self-consciously clenches his cane)_  
This is preposterous. You are having me on, surely.

SHERLOCK  
I perceived it when I shook your hand. That must be a grave impediment to competent surgery. Unfortunate, for a surgeon.

WATSON  
And now you know I was a surgeon!

SHERLOCK  
That is not such a great leap. You have been in Afghanistan, after all, and I would suppose that surgeons are in high demand there, given recent events.

WATSON  
Ah, yes, and you have yet to explain how you know I was in Afghanistan.

_Sherlock stands up from his seat and paces, easily navigating the familiar space. Watson sits anyway as if to give Sherlock space._

SHERLOCK  
You have the unmistakable manner of a military man. How you speak, the way you walk—too measured for someone without military service. An English army doctor; wounded and invalided home. At your age—you do not sound much older than myself—the tremor in your hand is most likely psychological. This makes it likely that you were injured recently, and under strenuous circumstances. You were in Afghanistan.

WATSON  
Remarkable. Incredible.

_Sherlock stops pacing, and looks straight ahead at nothing._

SHERLOCK  
What?

WATSON  
That was truly incredible, Mr. Holmes.

SHERLOCK  
You think so?

WATSON  
Of course. You’re a brilliant man.

SHERLOCK  
Ah… Well… Then you can see that I do not need your help. I require no helper.

WATSON  
Come now, Mr. Holmes. I admit that you’re a clever fellow, but there must be things you cannot do, that I can help you with.

SHERLOCK  
I do well enough on my own.

WATSON  
You can’t deny that people who are blind need assistance in their daily lives.

SHERLOCK  
Ones that _you_ are aware of, perhaps. Gentlemen and ladies who are waited upon and have no profession. Then there are the ones who work. Dressmakers, piano tuners, and the like. I am a gentleman, Doctor Watson, but I refuse to sit idly at home, waited upon constantly. I have my mind and skills, and I _must_ put them to work.

WATSON  
Oh, you have a profession?

SHERLOCK  
As I said, I do well enough on my own.

WATSON  
Pardon me, sir. You are a clever man, but what is it that a gentleman could do, given your condition?

SHERLOCK  
My brain is still working perfectly. Better than most.

WATSON  
Humph.

SHERLOCK  
I didn’t mean to insult you. The vast majority of people do not take the time to notice what is right under their noses.  
_(pauses, considering)_  
I have a client coming round this evening. I suppose there would not be any harm in letting you observe the proceedings. You will see that I am self-sufficient, and can relay as much with great sincerity to my brother.  
_(smirks)_  
If you do so, do visit again and inform me about the look on his face.

WATSON  
_(amused)_  
I would be willing to do so, but I’ve never met your brother in person.

SHERLOCK  
Oh, of course not. He is not one for legwork. Now, please offer me an hour of silence before my client arrives.

WATSON  
Oh, very well.  
_(starts to take out a newspaper from his bag)_  
But you’ve yet to tell me what service you will actually perform for this client.

SHERLOCK  
That will entirely depend on what the client requires. Although, I have reason to believe that it’s a case of blackmail.

_Watson abruptly pauses as he’s settling in with his newspaper, and gives Sherlock an utterly befuddled expression, one that must go unobserved—though a knowing little smile appears on Sherlock face, regardless._

_Sherlock taps his pipe thoughtfully, Watson shrugs and sits down, and the stage goes dark._

 

**Scene II – Scotland Yard**

WATSON (V.O.)  
It was indeed a case of blackmail, one that I recount elsewhere. As I would see him do countless times in the future, my friend solved the case and saved his client from a terrible scandal. I could hardly believe it; the man I had come to aid, the one who was supposed to be _my_ client, was a private detective.

_The stage is lighted again. There is a long table on which lie two firearms. Sherlock is carefully manipulating the handguns. He has set an unusually long light-coloured cane with a straight handle on the table. It will become clear that this is the cane he navigates with when he is outside of the memorised space of his flat._

_Watson rushes in, his own cane conspicuously absent._

WATSON  
Holmes! I came as soon as Mrs. Hudson told me you’d gone to Scotland Yard. You—  
_(notices what’s happening)  
_ Are those pistols?

SHERLOCK  
Indeed they are. And one of them was used in a murder.

WATSON  
So… I take it you weren’t arrested?

SHERLOCK  
Of course not. Why would you think that?

WATSON  
Well, why else would you be taken to Scotland Yard?

SHERLOCK  
_(rolls his head exasperatedly)_  
Perhaps, Doctor Watson, it is because I am a detective.

WATSON  
But you are a _private_ detective.

SHERLOCK  
I am a _consulting_ detective. I assist the public when they are in need of confidential assistance, and I also aid the police when they are out of their depth.

_Sherlock continues to feel the pistols, obviously seeking something in particular._

SHERLOCK  
You ought to have known that, considering that you have lived with me for a week. Did you not notice the message sent from Inspector Lestrade?

WATSON  
No. I only saw an odd piece of paper with protruding dots.

_With silent sarcasm, Sherlock stops what he is doing and turns slightly toward Watson._

SHERLOCK  
Doctor.  
( _shakes his head, continues working)_  
Why my brother selected you is beyond me.

WATSON  
You must see some redeeming quality in me. After all, you let me move in with you.

SHERLOCK  
Because you are not the _most_ annoying nanny that Mycroft has sent my way, and he would have kept trying. And the decision is not final.

WATSON  
Of course. But… Oh! I am a fool. You read those dots, don’t you?

SHERLOCK  
Very good, Doctor. If you continue at this rate, perhaps you will one day discover which part of the body is responsible for sight.

WATSON  
There is no need to be unpleasant. When I was trained, the only system I learned for reading and writing for those who are blind was raised lettering.

SHERLOCK  
Ah yes, that is what I learned as a child. A slow and inefficient system. Fortunately a man in France took it upon himself to make a tactile alphabet. Braille code makes correspondence much easier, at least with the Yard.  
_(with sudden, poorly hidden embarrassment)_  
Mrs. Hudson has read some telegrams for me from other clients. The subject matter has not always been to her liking.

WATSON  
I would be happy to provide that assistance. If you would be willing to teach me, I would like to learn that system of dots as well.

SHERLOCK  
_(surprised)_  
You would learn Braille for me? You need not, you realise. As far as I’m concerned, you only live with me to keep my brother from trying to meddle further.

WATSON  
Then there can’t be any harm in teaching me.

SHERLOCK  
_(quietly)_  
Doctor…

_There is a moment when it seems that Sherlock wants to say something but is reluctant to. The moment does not last long, however, as a new man enters the scene. He has a rumpled coat and stubble on his face, suggesting his day has been a long and busy one. LESTRADE seems to be in a hurry, or preoccupied; he moves past Watson to address Sherlock._

LESTRADE  
Are you done with the guns yet, Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
_(clears his throat)_  
Yes.  
_(handles one of the pistols)_  
This revolver was the murder weapon. It has the correct indentation for being thrown from the room, as the murderer must have done. The other is not damaged enough for that.

_Watson, ever the gentleman, approaches Lestrade._

WATSON  
I am sorry, I don’t believe we have met. I am Doctor Watson.

LESTRADE  
_(nods and shakes his hand perfunctorily)_  
Inspector Lestrade. Remind me, you did the autopsy, Doctor?

WATSON  
No, no. I am Holmes’s flatmate.

LESTRADE  
_(suddenly interested)_  
Is that so? I thought you wanted to stay by yourself, Holmes?

WATSON  
Actually, I moved in because…  
_(glances at the consulting detective, who looks uncomfortable)_  
Because I’m Holmes’s new assistant. Not that he needs one, mind you. I’m only a medical man offering his knowledge to a private detective.

_Sherlock smiles, pleased._

SHERLOCK  
A _consulting_ detective. Take your murder weapon, Inspector. I’ve got to take another look at the victim’s room. You’re coming along, aren’t you, Watson?

WATSON  
_(surprised, and thrilled)_  
Of course, Holmes.

_Sherlock takes hold of his long cane to see his way. Watson begins to leave, and the lights start to dim._

_Suddenly, after Sherlock is gone but Watson is not, Lestrade lightly taps Watson on the shoulder. Light returns fully._

LESTRADE  
Just one question Doctor, if it’s not too much trouble. Since you live with the man, is it possible you’ve met Holmes’s brother?

WATSON  
I’m afraid not.

LESTRADE  
Figured as much.

WATSON  
Why do you ask, Inspector? Are you a friend of Mycroft Holmes?

LESTRADE  
No. I was… asking to be sociable. There isn’t enough time for decent politeness in the Yard, that’s what I say.

WATSON  
_(uncertain)_  
I see.

LESTRADE  
It was nice to meet you, Doctor. Good day.

_Lestrade hurries away (in the opposite direction from which Sherlock left), and Watson, confused, nonetheless shrugs and exists as well, in some hurry to catch up with his flatmate._

_Stage goes dark._

 

**Scene III – Outside**

WATSON (V.O.)  
Holmes allowed me to stay as his assistant. I like to think I’ve become a close acquaintance of his. Or is _companion_ the right word? He seems to value my medical knowledge, and I assist him with other tasks, everything from reading his letters, to identifying strange colouring in a victim’s fingers.  
_(pause)_  
I informed Holmes’s brother through correspondence that I would not seek payment from him. After all, I wasn’t a helper for a man who couldn’t see. I was Holmes’s assistant. His assistant.  
_(sigh)_  
That doesn’t seem like the right word, either.

_On stage there is revealed to be a bench, and there is some sound of outdoor activity._

_Watson and Sherlock are walking arm-in-arm. Sherlock, with tinted spectacles as usual, is using his cane to feel the ground as he goes, and it is clear that he is leading._

SHERLOCK  
Would you care for a sit, Watson?

WATSON  
Brilliant, Holmes. Did something about my gait give away the fact that I saw a bench?

SHERLOCK  
You give me too much credit. I’ve simply come to this park often enough to remember. There is a definite advantage to devoting my work to one city. Did you know I could tell where you have been in London by the dirt on your shoes?

WATSON  
Ah, but how do you—good Heavens, Holmes, do you _lick_ the dirt?

SHERLOCK  
Taste is an often-overlooked sense when it comes to criminal investigation.

WATSON  
For good reason.

_They sit down on the bench, keeping their arms locked just a moment longer than is necessary._

SHERLOCK  
Your leg has improved.

WATSON  
Hmm?

SHERLOCK  
You no longer rely on a cane.

WATSON  
Oh. You’re right.

SHERLOCK  
You began forgetting it shortly after we met. Now you hardly ever have it with you, and when you do, it’s largely unnecessary. The work has been good for you, I think.

WATSON  
Well, I can’t rely on a cane when my companion draws himself into pub brawls!

SHERLOCK  
That was only on one… That was only on two occasions.

WATSON  
_(chuckles)_  
Very unexpected, though, that you could take a man down so quickly.

SHERLOCK  
_(abruptly passive and cold)_  
Why is that unexpected? Because I can’t see?

WATSON  
No, Holmes! I did not mean—

SHERLOCK  
It is true that I cannot see the first punch coming, as it were, but it only takes me a moment to get a sufficient hold—

WATSON  
Yes, Holmes, I know, I was there—

SHERLOCK  
And this cane of mine, which is useful in many ways, has significant force when used with proper—

WATSON  
Holmes! It would be incredible for anyone to take down a brute as you did. I did not mean to offend you.

SHERLOCK  
_(sighs)_  
But it was more surprising coming from a man who can’t see, wasn’t it?

WATSON  
I… I did not…

SHERLOCK  
No, Watson, you were right. It’s true that I am… at a disadvantage. I am blind.

WATSON  
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of the life you’ve made, the skills you’ve learned.

SHERLOCK  
You don’t have to bend the truth, Watson. I know why you live with me. To look after a defenceless, disabled client.

WATSON  
What are you saying? That was what I thought at first, but now, am I not your assistant, Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
I’m not foolish. Obviously Mycroft pays you to look after me.

WATSON  
Your brother pays me nothing.

SHERLOCK  
… What did you say?

WATSON  
I refused payment. I realised long ago that I did not want to be your nurse. I want to be your partner. Ahem, I mean, your assistant.

SHERLOCK  
Partner?

WATSON  
My apologies, old boy, I misspoke.

SHERLOCK  
I think I should like to consider myself your partner, as well.  
_(with sudden enthusiasm)_  
It is more equitable than ‘assistant,’ considering that you not only provide valuable expertise but now have begun to write of our adventures.

WATSON  
_(smiles)_  
I would be honoured to be your partner, Holmes.

_They stand up together, ready to continue with their stroll._

WATSON  
Partners in detective work, of course, is what you meant?

SHERLOCK  
Yes.

_Watson nods, and starts leaving._

SHERLOCK  
_(to himself)_  
At the very least.

_He quickly catches up to Watson, and they walk away together._

 

**Scene IV – Mycroft’s Flat**

WATSON (V.O.)  
When he chooses to be, Sherlock Holmes is a charming man. He can smile quite warmly when he wishes to put a client at ease. It’s astounding, really, when surely he has never observed a smile himself. But when he is on the hunt, using all his deductive powers to apprehend his target… his smile becomes something else entirely, more powerful, more intriguing… and it is something I have truly never witnessed on any other face.  
_(sharply inhales)_  
But, that is a minor detail. An observation to be confined to my own writings.

_Reveal a posh flat, with a wooden table, elegant chairs, and intricate rug._

_Sherlock storms onto the stage in a fury. He has his cane but is hardly relying on it._

SHERLOCK  
Mycroft! I know you’re here! You planned this all along, didn’t you? Somehow you knew it would happen this way. You knew what would happen to me!

MYCROFT (O.S.)  
Please, calm yourself, dear brother.

_A new figure walks onto the stage, elegantly dressed even in his flat. MYCROFT is tall like his brother and, unlike his brother, a black man._

SHERLOCK  
What cruel plan have you devised for me, hmm?

MYCROFT  
I am certain I do not know what you are referring to.

SHERLOCK  
John Watson. Doctor John Watson. Why did you send him to me?

MYCROFT  
Is it so difficult for you to believe that I wanted my brother to be cared for?

SHERLOCK  
You know that I can take care of myself.  
_(crosses his arms)_  
And we’re only half-brothers.

MYCROFT  
_(feigning shock)_  
How would Mummy feel if she heard you say that?

SHERLOCK  
I imagine she’d lament over her misfortune. How pitiful it must be to have been cursed with us. One blind as a mole, the other with skin of the wrong colour!

MYCROFT  
Sherlock.

SHERLOCK  
Which one’s worse to have as a son? A blind man, or a Negro?

_Mycroft sits down, staying remarkably calm._

MYCROFT  
Take a seat, Sherlock.

_Sherlock hesitates, and then sits down._

SHERLOCK  
I shouldn’t have said that. I apologise.

MYCROFT  
Never mind. We’ve both faced obstacles because of what we are.

SHERLOCK  
A considerable understatement.

MYCROFT  
In any case, I believe you were raising an issue regarding your new flatmate. If you would, calmly, explain?

SHERLOCK  
Fine, I will calmly tell you that I have uncovered your plan to torment me. You cleverly selected Doctor Watson as someone I would come to reply upon. Now I find myself thinking that I cannot live without him. Why did you want to destroy my independence?

MYCROFT  
Thank you. That was a perfectly calm and coherent argument; even if was completely ludicrous and incorrect. I did have a plan for Doctor Watson, but it failed horribly.

SHERLOCK  
Oh?

MYCROFT  
It can sometimes be difficult to learn what is happening in your life, brother dear, and I simply thought I could stay apprised by hiring an informant. Doctor Watson, unfortunately, refuses payment, and I have no grounds on which to acquire information from him.

SHERLOCK  
Oh.

MYCROFT  
I am not displeased with how events have unfolded, however. There is something positively fascinating about the change that has come over you. You cannot live without him, you say?

SHERLOCK  
_(quickly)_  
As a colleague, of course. He is invaluable.

MYCROFT  
You seem very troubled over an _invaluable colleague._

SHERLOCK  
He _is_ an invaluable colleague! My constant companion. My Boswell.

MYCROFT  
Whatever you wish to call him, I am glad you have found someone to stay with you.

SHERLOCK  
I do not need his help.

MYCROFT  
Of course not.

SHERLOCK  
And there is no telling whether he will stay with me or not.

MYCROFT  
Do you want him to stay with you?

SHERLOCK  
Ha. If you knew John Watson better, you would know better than to ask. Anyone would desire to keep his company. He is an honest man. Pleasant, endearing—more than a few ladies have described him as such.

MYCROFT  
It would be a shame if one of those ladies were to take him away.

SHERLOCK  
What?

MYCROFT  
You’re utterly transparent, Sherlock. Now that you have come to depend on Doctor Watson, you are afraid of losing him.

_Thoughtfully, Mycroft stands up, clasps his hands behind his back, and walks slowly around the room._

MYCROFT  
When did you become so attached to this man?

_Sherlock does not bother trying to follow Mycroft with his head. He fidgets with his cane instead._

SHERLOCK  
That hardly matters. I simply want him to stay with me now.

MYCROFT  
_(delicately)_  
Until death, I wonder?

_Sherlock stiffens._

SHERLOCK  
It is not as it seems.

MYCROFT  
Everything is as it seems.

SHERLOCK  
You are misinterpreting my feelings on the matter.

MYCROFT  
I do not misinterpret.

_A tense silence._

SHERLOCK  
Do you intend to tell the police—?

MYCROFT  
There is nothing to tell the police.

_Another pause._

_Mycroft has stopped at the edge of the room, and is peering down, as if through a window._

MYCROFT  
Interesting, though, that you mention the police. I believe I see your friend Lestrade on the street.

_A moment passes, and Mycroft’s eyes go wide._

MYCROFT  
Oh, Lord, no.

_This unusual utterance from Mycroft causes Sherlock to turn toward his brother._

SHERLOCK  
What is it?

MYCROFT  
_(panicking)_  
He’s… He’s…  
He’s coming toward this building.

SHERLOCK  
Why do you find that unsettling? Given our conversation thus far, _I_ am the one who ought to be concerned.

MYCROFT  
I… I have shared a few letters with the inspector…

SHERLOCK  
I’m aware of that. He has mentioned it, when remarking on the concerted effort it takes to keep me in check.

MYCROFT  
That is how it started, but we talked of other things, and… Sherlock… He’s coming up!

_Sherlock stands up, perceiving how badly this is affecting Mycroft._

SHERLOCK  
Ah. He has not seen you before, and you do not want him to see you.

MYCROFT  
Of course I don’t want him to see me!

SHERLOCK  
Calm down. He’s probably looking for me. Watson could have found your address in my things. He must have told Lestrade where I went.

_There is the sound of a knock on a door._

MYCROFT  
Dear Lord in Heaven, make him go away.

SHERLOCK  
Mycroft… hide!

_Sherlock grabs Mycroft’s arm and pulls him to the other end of the stage, pushing him away._

_There is another knock._

SHERLOCK  
Stay in your bedroom!

_Mycroft exits the stage, in no state to argue._

_Sherlock hurries back._

SHERLOCK  
_(shouts)_  
The door is open.

_Lestrade enters; his face, nearly ecstatic when the door first opens, drops to a neutral state._

LESTRADE  
Oh, hello, Holmes. I hope I’m not interrupting anything. Are you visiting your brother?

_The inspector tries to look around the room, obviously looking for something—or someone—in particular._

SHERLOCK  
Yes, but… he is very ill, I’m afraid.

LESTRADE  
Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that.

_Lestrade’s steps are loud on the floor as he steps closer to the other side of the room, peering in the direction of the bedroom._

SHERLOCK  
He is asleep now. In no state to see company. You understand.

LESTRADE  
_(shoulders sag in disappointment)_  
Certainly.

SHERLOCK  
Was there something I could help you with?

LESTRADE  
In all honesty, I thought I could see your brother.

SHERLOCK  
Whatever for?

LESTRADE  
To be honest… I’ve never met him in person. He seems like… an interesting sort. I’m sorry, Holmes, this is all rather embarrassing. It was presumptuous of me to come here.

SHERLOCK  
Now is not a convenient time. However, I imagine you would be welcome, if circumstances were different. In the monumental undertaking of keeping me in line, I have no doubt that Mycroft finds you to be… an invaluable colleague.

LESTRADE  
_(puffs out his chest, positively chuffed)_  
Oh, you think so?

SHERLOCK  
My brother would not bother to share correspondence with you if he did not think you were worth his time.

LESTRADE  
I’m glad to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help your brother?

SHERLOCK  
No, he simply needs rest. In fact, I am afraid our talking will wake him.

LESTRADE  
Oh, sure. I’ll be off. Wish him well for me.

_Lestrade exits._

SHERLOCK  
About time he left. Tenacious, as always.  
_(calls out)_  
It is safe to return, Mycroft.

_Mycroft returns._

MYCROFT  
What did he want?

SHERLOCK  
To see you, shockingly. If he should inquire, you were too ill to welcome company.

_For a long moment, Mycroft gazes in the direction in which Lestrade left._

MYCROFT  
That is for the best.

SHERLOCK  
Best for whom? He wanted to see you, and you want… something, from him.

MYCROFT  
Something?

SHERLOCK  
An unspeakable thing, perhaps.

MYCROFT  
Do not let yourself get carried away, just because you are attached to a man—

SHERLOCK  
If you will not report me to the police, it would be in awfully bad taste for me to report you, don’t you think?

_Opening his mouth to speak, Mycroft reconsiders, and tries again._

MYCROFT  
That hardly concerns me. You know how I came to be where I am. I have enough private information on nearly every powerful figure in this city to keep myself safe.

_Mycroft looks down where he watched Lestrade on the street before._

MYCROFT  
Only… take care that you do not tell _that_ policeman. His next letter should come in two days; it would be unfortunate if it did not come.  
_(starts walking in the direction of further into the flat)_  
Until next time, Sherlock.

_Mycroft exits._

SHERLOCK  
_(waits a few beats, then thinks aloud)_  
I wonder if this is the one instance, Mycroft, when all is clear to me and not to you. Inspector Lestrade is a man of the law, but to a point. Ha! If he were truly lawful to a fault, then he would not dare consult with me.

_Sherlock moves to leave the flat, but stops just before he exits._

SHERLOCK  
I am a detective. A detective who is blind, but no less a detective for it. In fact…  
_(face brightens suddenly)_  
Ah. This detective might discover what others could not. How did I not think of that before? Watson, and perhaps you too, Lestrade… I will have answers to the questions we cannot ask. I will have you reveal everything, and you will not even realise it.

_He smirks, delighted with whatever idea he has._

SHERLOCK  
That is my business, after all.

_Sherlock exits._

_Stage goes dark._

 

**Scene V – 221B**

WATSON (V.O.)  
There is no end to surprises in my life, sharing it as I do with a self-proclaimed consulting detective. No end to startling crimes, incredible deductions, and peculiar methods.

_Reveal the fabled sitting room of 221B Baker St once more, with a figure sitting in Holmes’s chair in the same pose seen in the beginning: the head of this figure is resting lazily over the chair, smoking a pipe._

_However, this figure is wearing a large shawl, bonnet, conservative gown, and no tinted spectacles. There is a dark walking cane being held carelessly over the arm of the chair._

WATSON (V.O.)  
Yet the greatest astonishment I have felt is discovering _other_ feelings that have hidden themselves under the cover of my admiration. How astonishing it is! Having things grow in one’s breast for such a long time, and recognising them in a moment.

_Footsteps. The shawled figure abruptly discards the pipe and assumes a hunched position, taking on the appearance of an old woman, leaning forward on the cane._

WATSON (O.S.) _  
_ Holmes, there’s a letter in the post for you.

_Watson enters._

WATSON  
Oh, I beg your pardon, madam.

LADY  
As you well should! I expected better of you than to shirk my appointment, Mr. Holmes. I had thought you were a gentleman.

WATSON  
No, I am not Mr. Holmes, madam. I am his associate, Doctor Watson.

_Watson extends his hand to take the lady’s and kiss her hand. The lady does not spare a glare towards his hand, however, and, Watson takes his hand back, rejected._

WATSON  
Well… I do not know where he is, but if you have an appointment with him, he should be here shortly. I smell tobacco smoke; he was probably here recently. I’m sure he stepped out only for an instant.

LADY  
He should not have stepped out when he was expecting a client. How disgraceful!

WATSON  
Have faith, madam. I am sure you will be quite satisfied with his services in the end.

_Watson takes his seat._

WATSON  
I may not be Sherlock Holmes, but while he is out, perhaps I could assist you in whatever matter has brought you here? Mrs…?

LADY  
_(ignores the second question)_  
I think not. It is a delicate matter. I will not discuss it with anyone but Mr. Holmes.

WATSON  
_(annoyed, but still polite)_  
Very well. Might I offer you tea, at least?

LADY  
I came here for assistance with my problem, not for tea.

WATSON _  
_ I am very sorry, madam. Believe me when I say that it is most unlike Holmes to forget an engagement.

LADY  
Hmm. Well, it sounds like you think well enough of him. I only hope he is worth my wait.

WATSON _  
_ Indeed! You will see that he is a brilliant man. Clever, resourceful, and discreet, of course. He will solve your problem.

LADY _  
_ Now, Doctor… Watson, is it? I have heard that he offers helpful little insights, but I hardly think a blind man can live up to all your generous praise.

_Watson starts, and then visibly calms himself with a deep breath._

WATSON _  
_ He is a detective, and he will do more for you than anyone else could. Do not underestimate his powers of deduction and observation. He does not see. He _perceives._

LADY  
_(claps hands, voice deeper)_  
Capital statement! I should have that engraved on the door.

WATSON  
_(startled)_  
What?

_The guest stands and discards the bonnet, shawl, and dress, leaving Sherlock, in shirt and trousers. His hands are spread, as if presenting himself._

SHERLOCK _  
_ Greetings, friend Watson!

WATSON  
Good heavens.

SHERLOCK  
What did you think of my little disguise?

WATSON  
Remarkable!

SHERLOCK  
It is gratifying to hear you say so. I should credit you as well, for coming to my defence when my abilities were questioned.

WATSON  
No trouble at all, truly.

SHERLOCK  
I have noted it, all the same.

_Sherlock makes his way to stand before Watson._

SHERLOCK  
I am intending to employ a ruse in future investigations. Few have suspicions toward an older lady, though more clever criminals may be uneasy with one that is blind, if they know that a detective that is blind is on their scent. Which is where you come in.

WATSON  
Oh?

SHERLOCK  
A lady may have a servant or companion with her. Such an individual would be able to quietly inform said lady of any visual information required to maintain the ruse.

WATSON  
I see. I would be honoured to assist you, Holmes, but I would need to be in disguise as well, I think.

SHERLOCK  
Yes, Watson, it seems our thoughts are quite aligned on this matter! If you permit me, I will take it upon myself to acquire a disguise for you.

WATSON  
I look forward to it.

SHERLOCK  
Ah, but to make you unrecognisable, I must first know what you look like.

WATSON  
Hmm?

_Sherlock reaches out, tapping the air until his hand comes into contact with Watson’s arm._

SHERLOCK  
Here you are.

WATSON  
Holmes?

_Sherlock leans in a tad closer, his hand trailing up Watson’s arm, and then resting on his shoulder._

SHERLOCK  
You have a strong, sturdy build. That is not a surprise.

WATSON  
_(giggles nervously)_  
Oh, I see! You are _looking_ at me.

SHERLOCK  
May I continue?

WATSON  
Yes, certainly.

_Contemplating what he is feeling, Sherlock tilts his head up as he touches Watson’s neck._

SHERLOCK  
Sturdy arms, thick neck, strong shoulders… do people take you to be my partner, Watson, or my bodyguard?

WATSON  
Oh, come now, you are exaggerating. I’m no marvel.

SHERLOCK  
Might I have permission to look at your face?

WATSON  
Oh, ah, of course. It’s absurd to think you have gone on this long without knowing!

SHERLOCK  
Just so.

_Both of Sherlock’s hands fall upon Watson’s face, which seems rather flushed at the moment._

SHERLOCK  
I think that—My God.

WATSON  
_(exceedingly nervous)_  
What is it, Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
A _moustache!_

WATSON  
Is that all! Really, Holmes you did not know?

SHERLOCK  
Indeed, it is a wonder I did not feel this exemplar of moustaches from across the room!

_Sherlock is now leaning very close, running his thumb over the exemplar of moustaches._

SHERLOCK  
It is magnificent.

WATSON  
Holmes…

SHERLOCK  
Oh, I am very sorry Watson, am I forgetting myself?

WATSON  
I have never seen your eyes before.

_At once, Sherlock stiffens, shocked._

WATSON  
You are always wearing those spectacles, even when it is only the two of us. You took them off for your disguise, didn’t you?

_Sherlock pulls away suddenly, and traverses the room to sit primly on his armchair. His face is directed away from Watson._

SHERLOCK  
That ought to be enough looking for today. I am satisfied.

WATSON  
But I am not.

_Watson sits up from his chair and walks up to Sherlock._

WATSON  
Might I have permission, Holmes?

_Sherlock hesitates, but Watson places a hand on his arm, and the detective relents. He turns his face toward Watson, as best he can._

SHERLOCK  
Do as you wish.

_Watson touches Sherlock’s face with both hands, so that Watson’s eyes meet Sherlock’s, if not the other way round._

WATSON  
I have long wondered what your eyes look like, Holmes.

SHERLOCK  
_(softly)_  
This must be a disappointment, then.

WATSON  
Not at all!  
_(clears throat)_  
They are interesting, from a medical point of view. Your eyes appear… normal, for lack of a better word.

SHERLOCK  
It’s in the brain, I’m told. I was bestowed with an abnormal brain in many respects, it seems.

WATSON  
Beyond medical curiosity, it also makes me wonder, why do you hide these eyes, Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
I hardly need them.

WATSON  
You hardly need hide them.

_Sherlock pulls away. Watson’s hands are reluctant to leave the air._

SHERLOCK  
A charming theory, but as it happens, a false one.

_Watson’s arms now drop to his sides._

SHERLOCK  
It is greatly disconcerting to have an empty gaze staring back at you, is it not? I have perceived how this affects people. I would rather not have my clients so distracted by my soulless eyes that they will not bring me their problems.

WATSON  
Soulless eyes?

SHERLOCK  
‘The eyes are the window to your soul,’ as the bard said, and my gaze is quite empty. What deduction can we make from that?

WATSON  
Holmes.

SHERLOCK  
No, do not concern yourself. I know that is all rubbish, of course, but it affects people, all the same.

WATSON  
So you wear your spectacles, even we are alone in the flat, so that I will not notice your ‘soulless eyes’?

SHERLOCK  
We have talked enough about this, I think.

WATSON  
Your eyes are lovely.

_Suddenly, Sherlock perks his head up, and Watson stammers._

WATSON  
What I mean to say is, your eyes are far from soulless, and that hardly matters anyway, because there is more to a man than a part of his body, wouldn’t you agree?

SHERLOCK  
Watson…

_Sherlock stands up, and looks for Watson with his cane. Watson gently touches his arm first, and guides Sherlock to him._

_Silently, Sherlock finds Watson’s face, and touches it once more with one hand. The other hand lingers on Watson’s wrist._

WATSON  
You still must design a disguise for me, Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
Yes.

WATSON  
So you are looking at my features.

_One of Sherlock’s fingers lightly traces Watson’s ear._

SHERLOCK  
As a man who is blind would.

_Watson is breathing more quickly._

WATSON  
Right. It is natural, of course, that you would… touch me like this.

SHERLOCK  
Entirely appropriate.

WATSON  
Undoubtedly.

SHERLOCK  
Now if only I could see the rest of you.

_Watson catches his breath._

WATSON  
Holmes, I…

_Sherlock backs away, composed as if nothing happened._

SHERLOCK  
Thank you, Watson. I’ve learned much today. This should aid me in my investigations considerably.

WATSON  
Oh. Yes. Certainly. Splendid.

SHERLOCK  
I’ll need to think more on my future plans… and perhaps, you as well?

_Not waiting for an answer to his hopeful question, Sherlock exits._

_Bewildered, Watson slowly places his hand over his heart, as if he has discovered something unexpected there._

_Slowly, Watson turns, and exits._

 

**Scene VI – Scotland Yard**

WATSON (V.O.)  
It is useless to try to deceive myself any longer. In my own journal, no less, which none but myself should ever see. Why, Holmes is not even able to read this! But he can read me. I cannot let him touch me again. God knows what he divined from my pulse, for surely that was why he touched my arm when he… came so close to me. Blast it, how do I keep such a secret from the man whose occupation is to unravel mysteries?

_Reveal Scotland Yard, specifically, the work table from before. Sherlock’s light-coloured cane is leaning against the table._

_Sherlock is humming softly to himself. He takes a few steps and twirls slowly, as if trying to remember a dance routine._

_Enter Lestrade, who looks on in bewilderment for a few moments._

LESTRADE  
Holmes? What are you doing?

_Sherlock stops dancing, obviously startled._

SHERLOCK  
Oh, Inspector! I did not hear your footsteps.

LESTRADE  
Were you dancing?

SHERLOCK  
No, I was not.

LESTRADE  
Yes, you were. Celebrating the case you just solved for us?

SHERLOCK  
No. It is for… research.

LESTRADE  
Oh, then you _were_ dancing! What kind of research, then?

SHERLOCK  
I was simply attempting to determine how one dances.

LESTRADE  
_(pause)_  
Do you mean to say that you don’t know what dancing is?

SHERLOCK  
It was never explained to me in any detail. People learn to move in a way that is somehow artistic and call it dancing, I believe, though the specific movements are beyond my knowledge.

LESTRADE  
And you want to know the specific movements?

SHERLOCK  
For reasons I need not discuss at this moment, yes. It seems I am lost without an instructor, though.

_Sherlock wears a little grin, though he hides it from Lestrade._

SHERLOCK  
Perhaps I should ask Inspector Gregson; I have heard he dances reasonably well at the charity balls.

LESTRADE  
Gregson! That man has all the grace of an ox. You hold right there, Holmes, and I’ll teach you.

SHERLOCK  
_(exaggerated surprise)_  
You would do that? You need not bother on my account. It is late, and your colleagues have already gone home. No doubt you wish to do the same.

LESTRADE  
Knowing you, this probably relates to a case somehow—not to mention, a gentleman really ought to know, right? You’ll need to learn the box step, first. The best way to teach you is to show it to you… er, well…

SHERLOCK  
_(chuckles)_

LESTRADE  
Ah, I got it. I’ll move you through the steps.

_He goes to Sherlock’s feet, and moves them to be parallel to each other._

SHERLOCK  
The starting position, I take it?

LESTRADE  
_(sarcastic)_  
Genius, Holmes, how did you figure that out? Now pay attention, we’re going to count to three.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s left foot forward, and rests it there._

LESTRADE  
One.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s right foot diagonally forward-right, and rests it there._

LESTRADE  
Two.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s left foot to the right, adjacent to the other foot, and rests it there._

LESTRADE  
Three. That’s half of the box, see? Let’s do it again. You count, this time.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s right foot backward, and rests it there._

SHERLOCK  
One.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s left foot diagonally backward-left, and rests it there._

SHERLOCK  
Two.

_Lestrade moves Sherlock’s right foot to the left, adjacent to the other foot, and rests it there._

SHERLOCK  
Three.

LESTRADE  
_(stands up)_  
Good. There, that’s the basic steps. Easy enough.

SHERLOCK  
Too easy. There must be more to it than that.

LESTRADE  
Of course. You have to pay attention to your partner, for one thing! And then there are the turns. You can start turns once you are comfortable with the steps. Imagine turning the box just a little every time, you know.

SHERLOCK  
Hmm. Show me.

LESTRADE  
Beg your pardon?

SHERLOCK  
Show me. Dance with me, Lestrade.

LESTRADE  
Showing you the steps is one thing, Mr. Holmes, but…  
_(looks around, somewhat nervous)_  
Two chaps don’t just waltz together.

SHERLOCK  
_(moving into Lestrade’s space)_  
Why not? If two chaps, as you call them, want to move as one, trusting that the other will feel their movements and match them with the upmost care and grace, why would that be a problem?

LESTRADE  
It’s not… that….

SHERLOCK  
If the two chaps in question both consent to the arrangement and sincerely care for their partner, if they have nothing short of devotion to each other, then why would it matter to others if they fulfill a deep, hidden, powerful desire to… dance together?

LESTRADE  
I can’t… I don’t….

SHERLOCK  
They’re just two people like any others, and if they choose to dance, whether with words or embraces or both, if they danced one way or another, in all the ways they wished to all through their lives, then what could anyone have to say about that?

LESTRADE  
Holmes, you can’t mean…

SHERLOCK  
It seems to me like the most natural thing in the world.

_Sherlock unerringly finds Lestrade and puts his hand on Lestrade’s back, and clasps his left hand to Lestrade’s right. Sherlock has taken the lead position._

LESTRADE  
_(startled)_  
Holmes?

SHERLOCK  
Have I done something untoward? You told me you would instruct me on dance.

_Sherlock expertly leads Lestrade through the three beat count of the waltz. They are close together now, and Lestrade is stiff._

SHERLOCK  
_(insincere)_  
Am I doing it right?

LESTRADE  
What is the meaning of this? Stop this, Holmes.

_Sherlock stops, unsurprised, and releases Lestrade._

SHERLOCK  
You’re uncomfortable. Why is that?

LESTRADE  
_(turns away)_  
Well, you’ve been wasting my time, that’s what. You already know how to dance.

SHERLOCK  
A refresher is always welcome, though clearly, I’m not precisely the one you wish to dance with.

LESTRADE  
_(angry)_  
Are you implying something? Out with it.

SHERLOCK  
You’re thoughts have gone to that person whom you truly wish to be spending this evening with, I perceive. I suggest that there is a different prospective dance partner on your mind. My brother Mycroft—

LESTRADE  
_(sharply)_  
Holmes!

_Sherlock stands by quietly, waiting._

LESTRADE  
I don’t know what’s come over you, but you’d best reconsider whatever it was you were about to say. I’m a man of the law.

SHERLOCK  
As am I. The spirit of it, anyway. I’ve kept scandalous secrets for the sake of my clients, but I only do so when it is just. Why would I do any less for a friend?

LESTRADE  
Me? Am I your friend?

SHERLOCK  
Yes, as I understand it.

LESTRADE  
Oh. Well.  
_(glances around again)_  
No more talk of this here. A constable might walk in and make sense of these riddles.

SHERLOCK  
There is no danger. I can identify an approaching step easily.

LESTRADE  
Oh right, you’re rather like a bat with those ears of yours aren’t you, Holmes? You… You ass! You did hear me walking in here, a few minutes ago! This whole farce was to get to me to admit that I have feelings for your brother!?

_Silence._

LESTRADE  
_(to himself)_  
Oh, Lestrade, you pillock…

SHERLOCK  
I would say the plan worked remarkably well, if you do not mind me saying so.  
_(playfully)_  
Though how anyone could ever become enamoured of Mycroft, especially from his conceited writing, is quite beyond me.

_Lestrade has turned away, and has his face in his hands._

LESTRADE  
You daft pillock…

_Sherlock has finally realised that Lestrade is in distress, and turns to him._

SHERLOCK  
Lestrade?

LESTRADE  
You’re a bohemian chap, aren't you, Holmes. Doctor Watson described you as something of the kind, and he was right. Of course you don’t give one whit about decency.

_Sherlock bristles at this accusation, but waits for Lestrade to finish._

LESTRADE  
You’re not much like the Holmes I’m thinking about. He’s a proper sort.  
_(shakes his head, at himself)_  
If you have seen through me, then he will too, if I ever meet him. I’ll need to be content with only the letters.

SHERLOCK  
If you ever did meet brother Mycroft, I think you would see very quickly that he is not representative of the expectations of our society.

LESTRADE  
Or he’ll report me to the chief inspector, and I’ll lose my career and my freedom.

SHERLOCK  
He would never do so, much as I will not.

LESTRADE  
I’ll thank you for that, at least.  
_(hopeless sigh)_  
I can’t speak of this anymore, especially not here.

SHERLOCK  
Lestrade, I have one last thing to tell you. Mycroft returns your feelings.

LESTRADE  
I don’t know what game you’re playing with me, Holmes, but it isn’t very funny. That man feeling anything for me above mere tolerance is impossible. If you are my friend, you’ll stop mocking me, and you’ll let nobody else hear of this, _nobody_. Forget every word.

SHERLOCK  
I understand.

LESTRADE  
_(tired)_  
Good evening, Holmes.

_Lestrade exits._

SHERLOCK  
_(softly, to himself)_  
I understand too well to forget.

_Sherlock takes his cane and exits._

 

**Scene VII – Outside**

WATSON (V.O.)  
I’ve taken to sitting in the living room with my companion. As his fingers trace over some missive from Lestrade—one he will not permit me to read, though I maintain it would be good practice as I am still learning—I cannot help but think that I can look at him for hours and he will never know.

_Lights come on. There is the park bench again. Sherlock is seated on the bench, running his thumb over the exposed face of his pocket watch. Watson stands to the side, stealing a look at Sherlock._

WATSON (V.O.)  
It has become a guilty pleasure, now, especially—Lord forgive me—when I am able to ‘misplace’ his spectacles. Then I can gaze at his face entirely, the bright and thoughtful expression he does not know that he possesses, and good heavens, I am overwhelmed by awe as much as guilt.

SHERLOCK _  
_ I thought you enjoyed these walks, Watson.

WATSON _  
_ I do, indeed.

SHERLOCK _  
_ You have been silent for half an hour. It is not like you. Come now, won’t you sit on the bench with me?

WATSON _  
_ I’d rather stand, Holmes.

SHERLOCK  
Did I do something to offend you? My actions yesterday, perhaps? The ruse, or the liberties I took with your person?

WATSON _  
_ Not at all. I am sorry. I am encumbered with something that is refusing to leave my mind.

SHERLOCK  
Watson! Will you not share your burden with me?

WATSON  
No. The last thing I need is your help.

SHERLOCK _  
_ Oh. Very well.

WATSON _  
_ I am sorry, Holmes. It will pass. If it is acceptable to you, I think I will walk on my own awhile.

SHERLOCK  
Whatever your problem is, you may share it with me. In fact, I would be honoured.

WATSON _  
_ I must decline. You’ll have to take the rest of your walk without me, Holmes.

_Watson exits._

_Pensively, Sherlock taps his cane against the ground. He rises to leave._

MYCROFT (O.S.) _  
_ Not so fast, Sherlock.

_Mycroft enters.  
_

SHERLOCK  
Do my ears deceive me? Mycroft would never venture this far out of his way.

MYCROFT _  
_ I would have a word with you.

_Sherlock sits on the bench again._

SHERLOCK  
Did one of your lackeys find me for you? I would think the government would have something better to do.

MYCROFT  
What did you tell Lestrade?

SHERLOCK  
Pardon?

MYCROFT  
I received a letter from him this morning. He has informed me that he is no longer able to continue communication. It was his last letter.

SHERLOCK  
Oh, by Jove, that is not right.

MYCROFT  
Did you tell him, Sherlock? Did you give him any hint? He is more clever than you give him credit for.

SHERLOCK  
If he has stopped writing to you, it is not out of lack of interest. It would be because he believes _you_ are not interested.

MYCROFT  
You’re talking nonsense, Sherlock.

SHERLOCK  
Lestrade is smitten with you.

_Mycroft takes in this information, and very slowly sits next to Sherlock._

MYCROFT  
He told you this?

SHERLOCK  
After being pressed a great deal, yes.

MYCROFT  
Ha! No doubt you threatened him, or extracted a false confession through some pretence. He has no deep interest in me. Lestrade is a lively, likeable man. I am distant, petty, and thoroughly unlikeable. He does not have feelings for me.

SHERLOCK  
I say that he does.

MYCROFT  
Perhaps, Sherlock, he admitted having some shallow fondness for me. You must have misunderstood him if you think otherwise.

SHERLOCK  
Meet him. He will not disappoint you. Dear brother, we are talking about Lestrade! He is a straightforward man. Unimaginative, as most are, but well intentioned. How could someone be nervous about speaking to that simple inspector?

MYCROFT  
I do not know, Sherlock. Perhaps in much the same way someone could be nervous about speaking to an amiable, unassuming doctor?

_Sherlock is quiet, and Mycroft smiles without mirth._

MYCROFT  
I suppose it does not matter, in any case. He would have stopped writing to me, eventually.

SHERLOCK  
Give him a chance.

MYCROFT  
His disinterest has been made all too clear.

_Mycroft rises from the bench._

MYCROFT  
He signs his name distinctively, you know, Sherlock. Long crosses on ‘t’s—determined, but stubborn. Written with heavy pressure—commits himself to his duties, perhaps too much so. And always G. Lestrade—a formal man who will not even share his first name. I have been deluding myself when his stance has always been clear from his penmanship alone.

SHERLOCK  
You make too many assumptions from penmanship. This is why everyone should use Braille!

MYCROFT  
_(absorbed in his own thoughts)_  
I will miss the way he signs his name.

_Mycroft exits solemnly._

SHERLOCK  
Mycroft? I wonder if he is right. Did Lestrade have doubts after all? He seemed quite interested, but then, so did Watson, and now he is anything but. Have I miscalculated?

_Looking rather lost, Sherlock exits._

 

**Scene VIII – Mycroft’s Flat**

WATSON (V.O.)  
I have resolved never to tell Holmes of my inclinations, and pray that whatever is wrong with me will be made right in time.

_Reveal Mycroft’s posh flat. Mycroft is sitting on one of the chairs, hands clasped, looking at the floor despondently._

MYCROFT  
I have been a fool.

_There is a knock on a door._

MYCROFT  
Leave! No guests are welcome!

_The knock comes again, more urgent._

MYCROFT  
_(groans)_  
Better to turn them away quickly.

_Mycroft exits the stage, presumably opening the door._

_In a moment he is walking backwards onto the stage, eyes wide._

_Lestrade marches forward impatiently, crowding Mycroft back into the flat._

LESTRADE  
Who are you? Where is Mycroft?

MYCROFT  
Excuse me?

LESTRADE  
I don’t know who you are, but I am in _no mood_ to be polite. Tell me where Mycroft is.

MYCROFT  
He is out. I am afraid I do not know where Mr. Holmes is. I am only his servant.

LESTRADE  
When will he be back?

MYCROFT  
I do not know. I am only his servant, sir.

LESTRADE  
Then I’ll wait here until he gets back.

_The inspector wilfully takes a seat._

MYCROFT  
Excuse me, sir, but… are you an acquaintance of Mr. Holmes?

LESTRADE  
_(softens a little)_  
I’d like to be. I’m sorry; I do want to see Mr. Holmes, a little desperately if I’m being honest, but I shouldn’t have been so short with you just now. My name is Lestrade. I’m an inspector for Scotland Yard… but I’m not here in that capacity. You work for Mr. Holmes, then?

MYCROFT  
Yes. You can call me… Peterson. What is the nature of the urgent business you have with Mr. Holmes, sir?

LESTRADE  
Well, Mr. Peterson, it’s a private matter.

MYCROFT  
Mr. Holmes trusts me with all matters, sir. In fact, he has mentioned your name to me.

LESTRADE  
Really?

MYCROFT  
Yes, on many occasions, in fact. He enjoys your letters greatly. Though he was rather distressed by the most recent one.

LESTRADE  
I doubt it. He must have been relieved to know that I would not be bothering him with letters any longer.

MYCROFT  
Then it is true that you no longer wish to communicate with him?

LESTRADE  
Mr… Peterson, was it? You couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s a smart man, that Mycroft Holmes. If I send him any more letters… he’ll start to figure out things he won’t be happy about. No, I can’t talk to him anymore.

MYCROFT  
But then, why have you come to his flat?

LESTRADE  
Because I have to see him! Even if only once! I just want to… I can’t say any more. I shouldn’t have come.

MYCROFT  
If you told me more, I might be able to help you, and perhaps spare you some wasted effort. You may be placing yourself in a position where you will be disappointed. I still do not know why would wish to see Mr. Holmes, but… you would find his physical appearance unexpected, to say the least.

LESTRADE  
What are you trying to tell me? He’s not a handsome man? I don’t care. What I care about is the man who has been so kind to me.  
_(turns away quickly)_  
I didn’t mean that. Forget I said it.

_Mycroft walks around to meet Lestrade’s gaze. Lestrade fidgets under the other man’s scrutiny._

MYCROFT  
You care about him?

_Lestrade sits upright, as if he is about to protest. Mycroft’s look is too perceptive, however, and Lestrade’s protest slips out of him, defeated._

LESTRADE  
That’s right. Do you want to report me? I wish you the best of luck, then! It’s the word of a detective inspector against that of a servant.

MYCROFT  
I have no intention of reporting you, sir.

LESTRADE  
_(pauses, leans back)_  
How can you stay so calm? You’re not disgusted?

MYCROFT  
Does my opinion matter to you?

LESTRADE  
If you don’t think me inhuman, that’d be nice, I suppose!

_Mycroft looks fondly at Lestrade, and dares to touch the inspector’s cheek, leaving Lestrade speechless._

MYCROFT  
Love ought to be celebrated.

LESTRADE  
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re…

_The older Holmes brother waits with bated breath._

LESTRADE  
You’re an invert, too, Mr. Peterson? I never thought I would meet another deviant.

_Mycroft smiles._

MYCROFT  
Does it make me deviant if I think you are beautiful?

_At last, Lestrade has the presence of mind to swat away the other man’s hand._

LESTRADE  
Not that I don’t appreciate that, but my heart’s lost to Mycroft, even if he doesn’t want it. Really, you’re a good-looking man, Peterson, but I can’t.

MYCROFT  
Good-looking?

LESTRADE  
Oh, God, does that make me even worse? Lord have mercy, your features are handsome indeed. Or, is it because your manner is so pleasing? You’ve got a proper way of talking, of moving, you know? Lord in heaven, I’m digging my own grave now. Oh, what is wrong with me? First a chap I only know through letters, and now a black man too? There is something terribly off with me. Maybe you should report me after all.

MYCROFT  
Sir… Inspector…

_Mycroft bravely extends his hand, though he does not meet Lestrade’s gaze._

MYCROFT _  
_ My name is Mycroft Holmes. I apologise for the ruse; Sherlock has been a terrible influence on me, as you could well imagine. We are half-brothers, you see.

_Lestrade is shocked speechless for a long moment before he manages to find a few words. Mycroft drops his hand._

LESTRADE  
I’m sorry, did you just say…?

MYCROFT _  
_ Yes. I am Mycroft Holmes.

LESTRADE  
No, you can’t be.

_Mycroft turns away, and takes a couple of pensive steps._

MYCROFT  
‘Dear Mr. Holmes, I just had a strange man walk up to me and tell me how a murder was done, knowing nothing but what was published in the newspaper. Also, he’s blind. Does this sound familiar?’

_Lestrade has a look of recognition, and awe, on his face._

MYCROFT  
‘Dear Mr. Holmes, I do not want to place your brother in any danger. Dear Mr. Holmes, ignore my previous letter, as your brother is a danger in his own right.’

LESTRADE  
My letters…

MYCROFT  
‘Dear Mr. Holmes, my day was a long one, but it was all worth it in the end. Dear Mr. Holmes, is it interesting to work for the government?’

LESTRADE  
Mycroft…

MYCROFT  
‘Dear Mr. Holmes, I wonder about the different kinds of people you meet. Dear Mr. Holmes, reading one of your letters is always the high point of my day.’

LESTRADE  
You remembered all that?

MYCROFT  
I remember much more than that.

LESTRADE  
What else do you remember?

_Mycroft shyly looks at Lestrade._

MYCROFT  
‘It’s strange, Mr. Holmes, but I find it easier to tell you of what troubles me than to tell my friends and family. I hope we’ve come to be friends.’

_Lestrade takes Mycroft’s hand._

LESTRADE  
_(continuing the letter)  
_ And I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Mr. Holmes.

_Suddenly, there is the sound of footsteps and a door opening. Mycroft and Lestrade, anxious at being discovered, step apart._

SHERLOCK (O.S.)  
Mycroft, the lock on your door requires an upgrade, or a replacement at the very least.

_Sherlock is hurrying onto the stage, in a state of excitement, hardly using his cane._

SHERLOCK  
Now I have been giving our problems some serious thought and I believe that—

_Sherlock bumps into Lestrade, who is standing rigidly. Sherlock quickly recovers and grabs the surprised inspector’s arm._

SHERLOCK  
Ah, Mycroft! As I was saying, I have another idea to convince Lestrade that…

_Sherlock pauses, and his hand pats Lestrade’s arm. His patting continues to Lestrade’s side._

SHERLOCK  
Lestrade.

LESTRADE  
Hello, Mr. Holmes.

MYCROFT  
Sherlock, dear brother, how do you know what Lestrade’s waist feels like?

SHERLOCK  
Jealous, brother mine? Interesting.  
_(moves back)_  
It’s all quite innocent. I became familiar with his person when we shared a brief waltz the other day.

MYCROFT  
Pardon?

SHERLOCK  
Rein in your envy, Mycroft, I can hardly stand the stench of it. In any case, you’ll make Lestrade forget all about innocent waltzes soon enough, I’m sure.

LESTRADE  
What does he mean by that?

MYCROFT  
_(embarrassed)_  
I’m sure I don’t know.

SHERLOCK  
I thought the implication of buggery was rather clear.

LESTRADE  
Oh!

MYCROFT  
Language, Sherlock!

LESTRADE  
Is that something you might want to do with me, Mycroft?

MYCROFT  
_(pleasantly surprised)_  
Ah, well… Well, it’s not something I would discuss at present!

SHERLOCK  
So you both have come together then. As I knew you would. My machinations have succeeded after all, is that not so, Mycroft?

MYCROFT  
Yes, you were right. What do you want? A reward?

SHERLOCK  
Surely you know that I play the game for the game’s own sake… and perhaps a small reward. I’ll need to borrow this.  
_(taps Lestrade’s leg with his cane)_

LESTRADE  
Oi! I have a name, don’t I?

MYCROFT  
_(quietly)_  
Do you, now?

_Mycroft is suddenly filled with melancholy, and meanders to the side, downcast._

LESTRADE  
What came over him?

SHERLOCK  
_(sounding bored)_  
I believe he has said something about you signing your name as G. Lestrade in your letters—hiding your given name from him, showing you didn’t want any significant intimacy between you two, some conclusion along that theme.

LESTRADE  
Oh.

SHERLOCK  
He’s simply being foolish. Now come along, won’t you? Considering how I’ve managed to nudge you two in the right direction, I think I could use some help with my own problem. Mycroft has inspired the solution in me, and now you will assist me in its execution, Lestrade.

_Without bothering to explain further, Sherlock exits._

LESTRADE  
Fine, Holmes. In a moment.

_Lestrade walks over to Mycroft, and wraps his arms around Mycroft’s waist, pulling him close. Mycroft’s back is flush against Lestrade’s chest now, and the older Holmes brother’s breath has caught in his throat. Lestrade leans in close to Mycroft’s ear, and speaks very softly._

LESTRADE  
My first name is Greg.

_Mycroft is clearly overcome by this. Lestrade sweetly kisses Mycroft’s neck, and Mycroft gasps quietly._

_Lestrade gently rubs his hand slowly down Mycroft’s arm, and Mycroft’s head sways to the side, his eyes closed._

LESTRADE  
I won’t be gone long.

MYCROFT  
Take care that you aren’t.

LESTRADE  
Then you’ll… make me forget all about innocent waltzes, won’t you?

MYCROFT  
Please, hurry back.

_Lestrade moves away, clasping Mycroft’s hand for just a moment as they part._

_Lestrade runs off to follow Sherlock. The lights slowly fade away as Mycroft walks toward the direction of the rest of his flat._

MYCROFT  
A solution I inspired?

_Abruptly, Mycroft stops moving. The lights return gradually as he reaches a conclusion._

MYCROFT  
Sherlock, you’re not thinking of…! Oh, how absurd.

_Mycroft, rather exasperated, turns around and exits in the direction through which Sherlock and Lestrade left. Now we fade to black._

 

**Scene IX – 221B**

WATSON (V.O.)  
Holmes has an irregular sleeping schedule, to put it mildly. It is a common complication of blindness, since the body does not have visual cues as to the time of day. He always has so much on his mind, though, that I think he would find sleep elusive regardless. If only that brilliant, strong, lissom man wished to sleep with me, then he would…  
_(wistful chuckle)_ _  
_ He would find sleep elusive for another reason entirely.

_Show 221B, where Watson is in his armchair, and writing in a journal._

WATSON (V.O.)  
Oh, why do I persist in this self-torture? He could not possibly welcome such advances from me. There was that time he touched my face… but that could not mean as my fogged mind interpreted it. I cannot risk the thought.

_Watson pauses in his writing, then resumes._

WATSON (V.O.)  
He knows that a shameful secret is bothering me. I will need to come up with some story to hide my feelings for him. At least then, I can stay by his side, be his constant friend and companion, and, if the Lord is kind….

_Watson stands up, and looks down at his writing sombrely._

WATSON  
We could grow old together.

_Glancing up at the ceiling for a long, thoughtful moment, Watson holds the journal to his heart. He exits to his room._

_Sherlock and Lestrade enter the flat. Sherlock sets his cane down against his chair._

LESTRADE  
You’re sure you’re not having me on, Holmes? You, and Dr. Watson?

SHERLOCK  
I cannot speak for Watson with confidence, but as for myself… I’m sure you understand, Inspector, why I’ve kept this information from you.

LESTRADE  
Oh. In all this, I’d forgotten that I’m with Scotland Yard!

SHERLOCK  
Do not feel obliged to remember that trivial fact anytime soon.

LESTRADE  
Still, makes this more than a little awkward, doesn’t it? I’m supposed to be putting people like you and me in gaol, aren’t I?

SHERLOCK  
I thought you were solely an investigator of homicides—real crimes, I might add—not of harmless intrigues.

LESTRADE  
Ah! I see what you mean, Holmes. It’s not my division, is it?

SHERLOCK  
Indeed not. Now, if you would please, make yourself comfortable on Watson’s armchair. That should do nicely.

_Lestrade does so._

LESTRADE  
Very well, Holmes. But what now?

SHERLOCK  
Now, I will sit on your lap, if you would be so kind as to allow me the liberty.

LESTRADE  
… Just so you’re aware of it, Holmes, I’m giving you a very sceptical look right now.

SHERLOCK  
I could hear the scepticism in your hesitation, Lestrade.

LESTRADE  
You want to sit in my lap? Is that like that waltz scheme of yours? You want to make me think about who I really want to have in my lap instead?

SHERLOCK  
Not exactly. I was inspired when I noticed how terribly jealous Mycroft became when he learned the two of us had shared a waltz—a reaction that I had carelessly failed to foresee, but one that can be replicated in my dear companion.

LESTRADE  
Watson? You want Watson to see us sitting intimately together, to make him jealous? Why, you’ve never asked me to do anything so dangerous, Holmes!

SHERLOCK  
I hardly think so. I have observed that Watson has at least a small inclination of the inverted kind, and is trying to suppress it—or I am wrong, and he has nothing of the kind, but he is a sympathetic man all the same, and has seen much more scandalous things in our line of confidential work.

LESTRADE  
No, I’m not afraid he’ll report us. I’m afraid he’ll take that cane right out of your hand and knock me over the head with it!

SHERLOCK  
Oh?

LESTRADE  
Well, Holmes, it’s clear to me that Watson does care very much about you. Even if I can’t say how deep that caring goes, I don’t think he’d tolerate anyone taking his place, either on this chair or sitting with you.

SHERLOCK  
Excellent. Let us hope you are right.

WATSON (O.S.)  
Holmes? Is that you?

SHERLOCK  
Ah, quick, hold me, and then act surprised when he comes in!

LESTRADE  
I hate you sometimes.

_Despite his grumbling, Lestrade offers his arms to Sherlock and holds him gingerly._

SHERLOCK  
Can’t you do any better than handle me like a sack of rubble? You will be such a disappointment to my brother.

LESTRADE  
I suppose I will be, won’t I.

_Closing his eyes, Lestrade sighs plaintively._

LESTRADE  
Mycroft…

_Lestrade leans closer to Sherlock and strokes his arm, as if he were Mycroft._

LESTRADE  
Mycroft, my love…

SHERLOCK  
Oh, I say.

_Watson enters._

WATSON  
Holmes! Lestrade!

_Lestrade, who truly had been lost in his thoughts, gives a start and instinctively pushes Sherlock away. Sherlock, steadying himself on his cane, dusts off his arm._

SHERLOCK  
Ah, hello, Watson.

WATSON  
This is unacceptable, Holmes! You allow Lestrade to hold you in that manner?

_Watson is eyeing Lestrade with no small amount of ill will, which makes Lestrade quaver somewhat._

SHERLOCK  
Yes. Is that a problem?

WATSON  
A problem! Holmes… Two men do not just… hold each other in that fashion! You are unconventional in many ways, I know, but truly, Inspector, I’m shocked!

LESTRADE  
Leave me out of this.

SHERLOCK  
Clearly the inspector takes no issue with such matters. I wonder, Watson, if you might… wish to hold me, sometime?

WATSON  
What?

SHERLOCK  
If not, that’s all fine. I can always make use of Lestrade instead.

_Sherlock resumes his place on Lestrade’s lap._

SHERLOCK  
What do you think, Inspector?

LESTRADE  
Well, Holmes, I’m not sure I’m the one you want to be sitting with, if I may say so?

SHERLOCK  
I think you are right, Lestrade. Hmm, here comes the missing member of our troupe.

_Mycroft enters._

MYCROFT  
Sherlock. This plan of yours is most distasteful. You have become very comfortable sitting on Lestrade, I see.

LESTRADE  
Sherlock, you might want to get off now…

SHERLOCK  
Are you sure? It is not my place to say, but a jealous Mycroft might be to your advantage later on.

WATSON  
Please, would everyone stop for a moment? I do not understand at all what is going on. Or, if I do understand, I surely must be wrong.

_Watson looks directly at Mycroft._

WATSON  
Who are you?

SHERLOCK  
My brother Mycroft.

WATSON  
Your brother!?

MYCROFT  
Sherlock, you didn’t need to tell Watson…!

SHERLOCK  
What, do you think Watson would not accept that my brother is a black man? Assuming you’re still black. I’m still not sure how much these things change. Well, Mycroft, then you don’t know my companion.

_Sherlock removes himself from the inspector’s lap and approaches Watson, with the air of one about to elucidate on the facts leading to his conclusions._

SHERLOCK  
Are you aware, Watson, that Mycroft is desperately in love with Lestrade?

_Watson is completely lost, Lestrade is deeply moved, and Mycroft is mortified._

LESTRADE  
Love?

SHERLOCK  
Lestrade returns his feelings of course, but dear brother is still worried that Lestrade will refuse him. All because of pigment that I cannot even see.

MYCROFT  
Sherlock, you utter blight!

SHERLOCK  
_(softly, to Mycroft)_  
You’ll be grateful for this later.  
_(loudly, to all, mostly Lestrade)_  
I have come upon Mycroft curled up on his couch, staring at one of the inspector’s fabled letters, wishing under his breath that he didn’t have to hide from Lestrade.

_Mycroft hides his face in his hands._

LESTRADE  
My God, Mycroft, is that true?

WATSON  
Wait, if I may ask, how did you know he was staring at a letter?

MYCROFT  
Sherlock never came upon me in such a state.

SHERLOCK  
I never had to. How you have spent your time is perfectly obvious. Pining for a white man, what hope does a black fellow have? None whatsoever. Particularly when the first is full of life and spirit, and the other finds himself rather dull and uninviting. His affection could never be returned. It would be absolutely hopeless. So he has had no other recourse but to sadly lock himself away in his rooms, in lonely solitude, and—

LESTRADE  
Oh, be quiet, Sherlock!

_Lestrade marches over, stands in front of Mycroft, and gently holds Mycroft’s face in his hands._

LESTRADE  
Well, can I?

MYCROFT  
Please.

_Lestrade kisses Mycroft, who quickly melts into the kiss._

_Watson is a little touched but mostly just completely astonished._

_Sherlock seems smugly amused by what he’s hearing. He twirls a finger in his ear._

SHERLOCK  
I suppose he’s not choking Mycroft.

WATSON  
Indeed not.

_At last, Lestrade and Mycroft break apart to breathe. They are focused very intently on each other._

LESTRADE  
It’s time we left, isn’t it?

MYCROFT  
It’s long past time.

_Lestrade and Mycroft exit together._

_Watson paces around for a short while, trying to make sense of whatever just happened._

WATSON  
I have the distinct feeling that I have not been kept informed about developments recently. Or I entered a very strange version of the reality I know when I stepped out of the hansom this morning.

SHERLOCK  
As strange as it might have been, I’m sure you did not miss the meaning of the little scene you just witnessed.

WATSON  
I’m sure I did.

SHERLOCK  
Did you not observe that two individuals who care deeply about each other could share love regardless of what they look like? Regardless of colour, or if they should both be men?

WATSON  
Holmes…?

_Sherlock betrays some nervousness as he reaches for his cane and clutches it._

SHERLOCK  
Of course, if I am mistaken, and you are not interested…

WATSON  
Holmes.

_Slowly, Watson takes the cane out of Sherlock’s hand and places it against the armchair, where it was before._

WATSON  
Please, do not go. I… I have something for you.

_Watson exits, and quickly returns, with a journal under his arm. He approaches Sherlock and touches Sherlock’s hand with the object, so Sherlock can see that it is a book._

WATSON  
I started writing this recently, Holmes. To cope with feelings that, until now, I thought could never be allowed to surface.

SHERLOCK  
A forbidden treasure, then, that I could never read.

WATSON  
No, not forbidden, Holmes. I want to share everything with you, if you will let me.

_Watson softly touches Sherlock’s face, and slips his dark spectacles off._

WATSON  
Would you share yourself with me?

_Sherlock looks very vulnerable, and can’t help a small whimper that escapes him._

SHERLOCK  
My dear Watson.

_After setting the journal down on the small table, Watson touches Sherlock’s face with both hands now._

SHERLOCK  
Please.

_Watson kisses Sherlock, who wraps his arms around Watson. They stand together for a long moment._

_When at last Sherlock releases his companion, Watson takes his book in hand again, and takes his place on his armchair. He guides Sherlock to sit on his lap. Sherlock pauses, making it sure it is all right, before he settles himself in more closely against Watson, held by one of the doctor’s arms._

_Sherlock’s hand bashfully joins Watson’s on the book cover._

SHERLOCK  
If you would, John.

_Smiling, Watson opens his journal._

WATSON  
_(reading aloud)_  
I met Sherlock Holmes three years ago, on a cold December afternoon…

_Fade to black._

~The End~


End file.
